113 - How ReLearning Helps with Weight Loss

The truth is you can create your own rules and pave your own path for anything you want in life, whether that’s landing your dream job, making the kind of money you want to make, or having the kind of weight loss experience you want. But this requires curiosity and a willingness to relearn, and too many people find this scary.

5 min

How willing are you to question everything you’re doing, in weight loss or anywhere else in your life? For many of us, the longer we do something a certain way - even if it’s not working - the less likely we’re going to interrupt that pattern and try something new. But this is a dangerous place to hang out, my friends. 

The truth is you can create your own rules and pave your own path for anything you want in life, whether that’s landing your dream job, making the kind of money you want to make, or having the kind of weight loss experience you want. But this requires curiosity and a willingness to relearn, and too many people find this scary. 

Join us this week as we show you the power of curiosity, and how relearning and challenging the status quo has opened up so many doors for us in our lives. There is always a better, easier, more appropriate way for you to reach your goals if you look for it, and we’re sharing some tips to help you along. 

Check out Vibe Club, a weight loss coaching group with the purpose of supporting women that want to sustain a healthy lifestyle.

What You’ll Learn from this Episode:

  • The power of curiosity. 
  • Why you have to question the arbitrary rules and “have to’s” you’re following in weight loss. 
  • How being willing to pave my own path has served me in all areas of my life. 
  • Why it’s scary to interrupt the old patterns and ways we’ve done things.
  • How to know when something’s not working for you. 
  • What consistency looks like. 

Listen to the Full Episode:

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Full Episode Transcript:

Hi, I’m Maggie. I’ve lost a combined 90 pounds after having my two kids and struggling with postpartum depression and anxiety. I teach you how to lose weight a different way, how to fix the thoughts in your head holding you back from finally taking weight loss off your to do list. Losing weight doesn’t need to be a struggle. And it’s my mission to help you love the process all the way down the scale. If you’re ready to lose weight a different way then let’s get it.

Ryan: Happy New Year.

Maggie: Happy New Year.

Ryan: How does it feel?

Maggie: It feels good to be, you know, I am really reflective at the end of the year and so I did that this year because I always do. And I was like, this was an amazing year, 2021 but it was also…

Ryan: A little bit of a struggle?

Maggie: It was a lot of a struggle actually when I look back. So anyways, but I think that’s always because then you look back at 2020, 2019, 2018. I think that the reality is that that’s how life goes. It’s going to be a mixture of both.

Ryan: I think the reality is that you’re just always growing.

Maggie: Yeah. And growing doesn’t feel good. It feels bad.

Ryan: It does.

Maggie: But when does it feel good, what are the parts that feel good?

Ryan: It feels good when you look back.

Maggie: Yeah, it feels good when you look back and it feels good when you compare where you are versus where you were. But the process of growth, the feeling, how it feels in your body, it doesn’t feel good. It feels like you’re stretching and it feels unfamiliar, and it feels unsteady and it doesn’t feel comfortable and warm and whatever because you’re putting yourself out there. You’re taking the chance to fail and I don’t know that it’s worth it because otherwise you’ll have the regret.

Ryan: So you’ve been on a quest to make the best scrambled eggs lately.

Maggie: Yeah, a lot of different things though. And once I started realizing a pattern I was like, “I want to podcast about this”, because I can see the parallels. And I don’t know what got into me but I’m curious about a lot of things, in self-help I’m very curious. But in day-to-day stuff it hasn’t translated that much. I feel you’re pretty curious about learning how to do new things. I don’t feel I have that quite as strong.

But the other week I was like, I feel like my shrimp, they’re always overcooked because there were two situations, shrimp and scrambled eggs that I can think about at the top of my head. And I was like, “I don’t know what the deal is.” They’re just always overcooked. I don’t know. And then I was like, “I don’t think I’ve ever really learned how to cook shrimp.” I just cooked it in the way you cook shrimp. I don’t know, what more can you do?

Ryan: You just get that shit off and heat.

Maggie: Yeah, what more can you do than heat up the pan with some butter or some oil, put some seasonings on it? Watch, I’m going to get all these DMs about how to cook shrimp in a different way. But in my head that’s it. So I Googled how to make shrimp. And one of the things that really changed it for me was it was either one minute or two minutes, but I literally set a timer. I made sure the pan was hot. I made sure that the butter was a little bubbly and I put them on and I set that timer on.

As soon as that timer went off I flipped them and as soon as that went off, I took them off the heat. And lo and behold I didn’t overcook my shrimp.

Ryan: So you’ve been cooking shrimp for a while.

Maggie: I love shrimp. So I’ve been cooking shrimp for a very long time. And then after seeing how I was able to cook the shrimp and they were so much better. And somehow at the age of 32 I’m not eating shrimp that are overcooked, that I cooked for myself. I still need to figure out scallops, dude, because I made scallops the other day and I ruined those. And I followed the instructions but they were smaller so anyway still working on scallops.

But I thought why are my eggs so overcooked? Why do they look like this? And to be honest, my sister, when I had Holden she made these eggs, these scrambled eggs and all she said was that she did low and slow and she added some cream. But I’ve never been able to recreate those eggs. I’ve been trying. That was 2015 that that happened.

So I Googled how to make the best scrambled eggs and then I asked Instagram. And you get a super hot pan, not too hot of a pan, don’t touch them, move them constantly. Add water, add sour cream, so many different ways to do it. And ultimately, yeah, I get to play around and figure out. And so everybody recommended Gordon Ramsey. I haven’t made those yet, mostly because he adds a lot of stuff to it. He adds a lot of butter to it. A lot of the time when I’m eating eggs lately it’s been a snack.

I’m not trying to have a full ass meal of eggs. But I thought it was interesting. And so I did try the way he cooks it and he moves the eggs around a lot, he whisks them while they’re cooking. And he doesn’t add salt till the end. He says if you add salt too soon it’s going to make them more watery. And so I tried that out yesterday and they turned out so good, and so fluffy, and so unlike what my eggs ever look like. And it made me think.

Ryan: I’ve been making scrambled eggs since I was young, I learned that. That was one of the first things I learned how to make.

Maggie: Yeah. Are you happy with the way you make scrambled eggs?

Ryan: Yeah.

Maggie: You make them pretty good though. I get a little scared, I love over easy eggs but I get a little scared with scrambled eggs to not have them fully cooked. So I overcook them when really people are like, “Even Gordon Ramsey puts it on for 30 seconds and takes it off for 30 seconds.” It’s not constant heat and you have to understand it will keep cooking after you take it off the heat. For a long time you used to do eggs like that, add the cheese and take them off and let them sit knowing that they were cooking.

So I’m learning a lot about eggs, and why? Everybody knows how to cook eggs. Everybody has a way of cooking eggs. Have you ever questioned that maybe your way of cooking eggs, there’s a better way?

Ryan: Why go back to the drawing board on scrambled eggs?

Maggie: I don’t know. I don’t really know what came over me because it’s cool because you can look up anything online. You can Google literally anything. And so I started doing that and then I was like, “Well, this is really cool”, because even things that I really thought that I understood, things that I was sure that I knew how to do, that’s not necessarily false. That is a way to do them but is there a chance that it actually is better, there is a better way, or a more delicious way, or an easier way? Or I don’t know, enter whatever word you want to use.

It’s just like is this better than what I’ve been doing? And do you have a willingness to question something that you’re like, “I’m pretty sure I know how to make eggs?” I’m pretty sure. If you were like, you know, it’s like pouring a cup of water. I know how to make eggs. I know how to make toast. Those things that you learn, like you said, you learn when you’re really young. And there’s also that quote that’s like you can’t teach an old dog new tricks.

And I think a lot of us really believe that. The longer you’ve been doing something a certain way the less likely it is that you’re going to interrupt that pattern in your brain and say, “Why don’t we try something new.” And I just believe in life and weight loss that can be a dangerous place to hang out in.

Ryan: It’s so common in weight loss for people to think, I have done this, I know it works, so I need to keep doing it even though it’s not working right now.

Maggie: What is your willingness to question if there’s a better way, if there’s an easier way, if there’s just a more appropriate way for you, for your body, for your schedule, for your life to do anything? And it really opens up the world I think. I think it gets people kind of scared because they’re like, “Well, I know how to cook eggs this way.” I’m going to keep throwing it back to the egg analogy, but I know how to cook eggs this way. And if I cook them the wrong way then maybe I will mess up the eggs and they won’t be good.

Kind of like with me curling my hair, I haven’t learned how to curl my hair. I’ve always wanted to. But I’m afraid because if I washed my hair and then I do my hair, then I just ruined my hair if I don’t know how to do it. That’s a really good reason why I have not learned how to curl my hair. And so I haven’t set an official goal but I would love to learn how to actually curl my hair the way my hair stylist does it in 2022. But it just made me think how much the world opens when you’re like, I could be wrong about this.

And that questioning and that internal curiosity has opened so many doors for me. What if I don’t have to work a nine to five job? What if I can grow my Instagram and just see what comes of that? What if I could get, all of these questions that questions the normal narrative of what you’re supposed to do and what your life path looks like. And what if I don’t have to drink shakes three times a day and I could lose my weight? What if I don’t have to be as strict of keto as I thought I had to? All of those questions have served me.

It was a willingness to be like maybe I don’t have to do it the way everyone else does it. Maybe I can pave my own path here. Maybe I can create my own rules. Maybe I don’t have to follow anyone else’s rules if I just don’t want to. And all of that opened me up to be able to pave my own path that’s amazing, because I created it and I was willing to question the status quo of what most people are doing.

Ryan: Yeah. It’s just a willingness to question what if the way I’m making scrambled eggs isn’t the best way?

Maggie: Yeah. And that choice and finding a really good new way, not that I couldn’t change it up later in the future. But it’s going to add value to my life. I know it seems small. And I kind of like that we’re talking about it on such a micro level, that’s literally the way that you cook eggs. It could be wrong, wrong in the sense of there could be a way better way to do it and you’re a Google away from finding that out. So talking about the way that that converts to weight loss is just what rules are you following that are arbitrary rules that you think you have to be doing them.

You think it’s what you have to do to be keto, or have to do to lose weight, or have to, all those have to’s. You really want to look out for that.

Ryan: Yeah. What are some good examples?

Maggie: Well, I mean with the people that I work with, I have to follow my plan every day or it’s not going to work. The scale has to go down or I’m doing something wrong. I have to be in deep ketosis if I want to lose my weight. I have to wait until I lose my weight to enjoy the foods that I love. Have to, have to, have to, should, should, should all over yourself. And it’s just it’s all bullshit, I mean mostly.

And the reason why we want to knock it off the table as bullshit is that you can still choose to include any of the things that you want but not because you have to, not because you should, not because you just believed somebody who said, “Well, if you’re going to be keto you need to intermittent fast.” We don’t want to be playing those things out from that belief that someone else knows better than me than I know for myself. Someone else can tell me what’s going to work for me.

Ryan: Yeah, I just think it’s so common in weight loss for people to get stuck in patterns. Do you know what I mean?

Maggie: Yeah. And something you mentioned before was you think that it’s the only way things work and it’s 100% not working for you.

Ryan: And there’s so many different ways to lose weight. There’s so much evidence out there that there’s so many different ways to lose weight. Why not find what is absolutely perfect for you?

Maggie: Yeah. And why not take the things that are perfect from whatever you’re working with and add in things that maybe aren’t normally included? I can use keto as a specific example where it’s like, yes, I love eating this way because I feel really good but I also see the value of adding carbs once a week because I’m working out, or twice a week, or three times a week. You can make it what you want it to be.

But I understand that that’s kind of a scary place for most people to be because they’re like, “Well, no, tell me exactly what I need to do so I can just follow your plan. But has that ever really worked for you? And has it ever actually worked long term? Play around and find what you love about certain aspects of certain things. And then mold your own plan, mold your own path forward by questioning all of the rules, and shoulds, and have to’s, that you think you have to follow in order to lose your weight, in order to have the body that you want.

Ryan: I think people reach out for rules because they come from a place of confusion. They want rules to follow, step by step, what do I do? Because I don’t know how to do this.

Maggie: Yeah. I also think that has to just come from our upbringing. We were just told exactly what to do and then we just had to do exactly that so we would get an A. I just kind of feel it’s from our conditioning as well that it’s like give me the rules. And then you tell me, I’ll get an A, I’ll get what I want if I follow the rules. And it can be a scary place to create my own rules, try this out and see if it works. We are not trained, I used air quotes, we are not trained to do that for ourselves.

That’s why most people don’t question what they’re capable of. They don’t question the type of work that they can do, or the type of money that they can make, or the type of weight loss experience that they can have. They don’t question it because they’re just listening to all the outside voices and they really have lost that connection with their inner voice just by following rules their whole lives or rejecting rules.

It’s just, because I see a combo with my clients in both ways, people who want to just do it perfectly and people who are like, “Don’t tell me what to do.” Even though I’m like, “You’re telling yourself what to do. I am giving you the steps of how to create what you are going to do. But you’re rebelling against yourself.” And so again, it will always come down to your thinking about it. But I think it’s important to live from a place of curiosity and be able to question, if it isn’t working, it isn’t working, what needs to shift here?

Ryan: How do you know when it’s not working and when you need to make a shift? How do you know when it’s a good time to go back to the drawing board or to maybe question whether it’s working or not?

Maggie: I really think that has to do with time and consistency, truly. I really don’t think there should be much questioning going on if you’re not being consistent with what you’re trying.

Ryan: That’s a good point.

Maggie: You have to be consistent. And so a lot of people, we’ve discussed before, to be consistent for two and a half days and when they don’t see the scale go down and they feel they’re being so good. They’re like, “That’s not working, try something else.” And then you never know what’s working when you’re doing that. So I think I’m in a state right now where I’m working out, my adherence this month has been squeaky clean. And I’ve had to trust myself knowing I’m doing what I need to be doing.

I think a lot of people in my position would have changed what they were doing. They would have started eating less. They would have just made a change. And I’m just like, “I don’t think that that’s right.” And I think it’s just because I have grown to trust myself so much. It’s exactly what I teach my clients about reconnecting to that part of you that are so used to listening to rules and so not used to ever checking in with yourself. But I’ve got the data, I know what I’m doing, I know what I’m eating. I know how I’m following my plan. I know how I’m working out.

I know what’s going on and the scale isn’t telling the whole story and I don’t need to change anything yet. And that’s a nice place to be because I have allowed myself to really give myself the cleanest data. And that’s what I work with my clients on as well, you have to know where your baseline is so you know where to improve from. And my baseline last month, I think I ate off plan seven days and my goal was just to eat off any less than that, six days or less. So I have increased that.

My emotional eating has gone down, there wasn’t that much anyways going on, but of the amount that there was, it’s gone down 90%. I mean it’s been such a steep decrease, I know I’m not emotionally eating. I’m following my plan. I’m working out. I’m getting my steps. I’m prioritizing protein. I’m drinking water. I’m getting good sleep. I’m doing everything that I need to be doing and I’m going to give it a little bit more time.

Ryan: So you’re saying you need to be consistent. But I’m curious, how do you define consistency?

Maggie: Consistency is you decide what you’re going to do and then you need to be doing that very much more often than you are not doing it. It doesn’t mean you have to be doing it every day.

Ryan: That seems so broad though, decide what I’m going to do?

Maggie: Yeah. So you decide I’m going to work out three times a week and you know what that baseline is. You know what you’re attempting to do. So if you work out one day a week let’s not blame anything on exercise because you’re not even doing it consistently. You’re not doing what you said you were going to be doing. So I’m going to follow my plan and you follow your plan two days out of the week. I don’t think anything’s working. Yeah, what’s not working is you’re not following your plan.

In order to be able to know whether or not you need to make a change, it’s an experiment. You have to decide what you’re going to do. You need to test that experiment. You need to collect the feedback and then you need to decide did it work or did it not work? And then also that, did it work or did it not work is going to mean completely different things. Are you trying to lose weight? Are you trying to put on muscle? Are you taking into account all of the data points you need to be looking at? Because for me right now the scale is not the one, it’s not the one.

Ryan: Yeah, we’ve had many conversations about it.

Maggie: Yeah. My weight over the last week since getting back from vacation was the exact same weight for five days. I’m telling you guys, the exact same weight except for one of those days, it was up .2 ounces, the same one, the same one, the same one, up 2 ounces, the same one, the same one. And so it was exactly the same. And I think that would drive most people crazy. But the amount of work I’ve done on my brain, I’m just like, this isn’t it. This isn’t even the whole story. I don’t care.

I feel good, my measurements are going down, my stomach’s getting tighter. This is not the data point that I want to be looking at right now. When I was just focusing on losing weight by my eating, which I believe you can literally lose most of your weight without ever even taking steps, honestly. You do most of that in the diet, is the scale was the data point. And as long as I was doing what I needed to do, the scale kept going down. None of that has changed. There has just been some stuff I’ve added, more protein, working out and working out hard.

I am pushing, I only do it three days a week but I’m pushing myself till I cannot do that last rep. I am working out, scaling it. So you do have to also know what are our data points. And I really recommend that you have at least three data points. I don’t care if it’s your energy. I don’t care if it’s your mood. I don’t care if it’s the scale. I don’t care if it’s your measurements. You need to pick. I have lots of data points and when I’m feeling frustrated by the scale I go to work and I write 10 other data points that I can focus on, that are nothing to do with the scale. They’re completely different things.

And that’s how I know that I’m on track, because the track I’m on isn’t just be as small as possible. The track I’m on is to be very strong, to feel really good, to have energy, and mental clarity, and focus, and calmness, and strength. That’s what I’m measuring on. The scale tells 1/87th of that story.

Ryan: Yeah, scale’s kind of a joke to me.

Maggie: You just have to get to a place where it’s in its place, do you know what I mean?

Ryan: Yeah, I get on the scale but I use that data with a grain of salt.

Maggie: Yeah, because eventually you get to a point where you’re like, “Okay, well.” And we talked about this a couple of podcasts ago. My goal isn’t to just keep getting smaller. Ultimately I’m trying to gain weight right now. The weight is in the form of muscle. So there’s going to be gain, it’s fine, it’s not a big deal. I was on vacation, I had some sugar while I was on vacation. There’s so many different things going into this and so many of us are just like, “The scale is up, the scale is staying the same.” What else? What else is happening?

We have to look at what else is happening. What else is happening? How are you feeling? How are you sleeping? How’s your energy throughout the day? How’s your measurements going? How’s your strength in the gym? Notice how none of those things have anything to do with the freaking number that the scale is saying. It’s one part, it’s going to tell you one part of the story, the rest of it is going to be other data points and you need to decide what those are. So the time you need to make a change is when you’ve actually been freaking doing the stuff for more than four days.

Ryan: Yeah, that’s really, that’s so important because people overlook their consistency and think they need to make a change.

Maggie: Well, and I’ve heard so many stories especially from other coaches and stuff, two coaches specifically that have talked about multiple times in either people they have coached or themselves where they were doing whatever they were doing for six weeks and didn’t see anything. And then all of a sudden everything started taking off. So do you have the patience of six weeks? I think I do.

Ryan: It takes a lot of resiliency.

Maggie: Yeah. And it’s not physical resiliency, it is mental resiliency. If you’re not working on your mental resiliency, and working on what am I going to think about the fact that the scale is saying the exact same weight for fifth day in a row and then guess what happened today? Dropped .6, okay, you guys have got to hold out longer than the five days. In my personal opinion you want to give things two weeks and I’m talking squeaky clean two weeks before you tweak anything. And when you go to tweak something, you tweak one thing. You don’t tweak everything.

Ryan: I would argue that you need to give it longer.

Maggie: Well, just so you know, a lot of what I’ve been dealing with actually was the entire month of December. And I’m fine with that. It doesn’t matter because guess what else happened the entire month of December? I started working out so to me it makes sense. But the only reason it makes sense is because I told myself a story that makes sense. And guess what that gives me? Peace. I said, “It’s because I’m working out.” And then I have all this other stuff to boost it.

I’m like, “I’m working out, I’m following my plan, I’m not emotionally eating. I’m not binge eating carbs. I know I’m doing everything that I need to be doing right now. And now all I have to do is give it time.” And when you give it time the results catch up. So on the next podcast we’re going to be talking about how to make it go really fast. So that’ll be a good one.

Ryan: Alright.

Maggie: Alright, see you guys next time.

Ryan: See you.

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