109 - Impatience with Weight Loss

Impatience is the quickest and easiest way to shoot yourself in the foot on your weight loss journey. It has you swirling in drama over every action you take and hating every step of the way. So, naturally, developing patience is the key to long-lasting change that feels calm, peaceful, and easy, and we’re showing you how to cultivate it in this episode.

5 min

Are you confused about what your obstacles are on your weight loss journey? Does your progress feel too slow? Are you feeling so restricted on your food plan that you know it won’t be sustainable?

These are all signs of impatience, and it’s the quickest and easiest way to shoot yourself in the foot on your weight loss journey. Impatience has you swirling in drama over every action you take and hating every step of the way. So, naturally, developing patience is the key to long-lasting change that feels calm, peaceful, and easy, and we’re showing you how to cultivate it in this episode.

Tune in this week as we show you how impatience is stalling your weight loss. We’re exploring the types of actions most people take from this frantic energy, why it’s so detrimental to your progress and some of the thoughts and beliefs we've developed that have helped us stop the cycle of torment and instead create trust in the process.

Check out Vibe Club, a weight loss coaching group with the purpose of supporting women that want to sustain a healthy lifestyle.

What You’ll Learn from this Episode:

  • How being impatient is stalling your weight loss journey. 
  • The most common stories we tell ourselves that create impatience. 
  • Why we take self-sabotaging actions from the feeling of impatience.
  • The thoughts we think that cultivate patience. 

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Full Episode Transcript:

On this episode of the podcast we talk about being impatient and how it may be stalling your weight loss journey.

Hi, I’m Maggie. I’ve lost a combined 90 pounds after having my two kids and struggling with postpartum depression and anxiety. I teach you how to lose weight a different way, how to fix the thoughts in your head holding you back from finally taking weight loss off your to do list. Losing weight doesn’t need to be a struggle. And it’s my mission to help you love the process all the way down the scale. If you’re ready to lose weight a different way then let’s get it.

Maggie: Hey, Ryan.

Ryan: Hi.

Maggie: And welcome everybody to the podcast.

Ryan: Welcome. It’s good to be here. It’s Friday morning when you’re listening to this, but it is not Friday morning right now.

Maggie: No.

Ryan: We don’t record these on the day before they drop. You know what I mean?

Maggie: Or the day that they drop. No, we dug into this a little bit, but we used to just do it and it would be uploaded the next hour after we finished it. Oh my gosh.

Ryan: Flying by the seat of our pants we used to, not anymore, we can’t do that.

Maggie: But it kind of lends to the conversation we’re going to have right now, right?

Ryan: Does it?

Maggie: I mean does it?

Ryan: Let me know.

Maggie: Kind of just the time that you’ve got to give stuff to work. And how most people don’t give themselves the time. Just imagine if we had started this podcast and then I was just like, “This is a mess. We don’t even have a schedule.”

Ryan: Nobody’s listening.

Maggie: Nobody cares. Things are so busy, it’s so inconsistent, this isn’t going to matter and then we just stopped it, just four months into it.

Ryan: That was a likely scenario.

Maggie: It was a likely scenario. But the point is we didn’t. And so I think that we wanted to talk today about patience and weight loss. Those two are kind of married, right?

Ryan: I think if you can have a more patient mindset it’ll make you more consistent.

Maggie: Can you be consistent without being patient?

Ryan: Yeah, it’s going to be miserable.

Maggie: Yeah, I think that’s interesting though, you can be consistent. You can be the thing that you need to do to get results. But if you’re not patient then you’re going to be hating what you’re doing consistently.

Ryan: If you’re able to be patient it’s going to change the way you feel about a lot of things. It’s going to change the way you feel about getting on the scale every day because you know it’s not a day-to-day thing. It’s going to change the way you feel about your food plan. And you’re not going to try and eat as little food as possible.

Maggie: Okay, so I’m going to rewind just a little bit and we’re going to try and figure out what’s the thinking. Because patience would be the feeling that people want to create. So you’re saying if you’re patient it’ll change how you feel. But patience is how you want to feel. So we have to figure out if we want to be patient, if we want to feel patient, what are thoughts that create patience?

Ryan: That’s a great question.

Maggie: But you were just saying them. You were like, if you’re patient then you were talking about how you’d feel, what you would do if the scale goes up or making a plan.

Ryan: Yeah. But how do you feel more patient?

Maggie: You feel more patient by what you think.

Ryan: Okay. I think I’m willing to take the time that it’s going to take to lose weight.

Maggie: Yeah, this is a long game. This is going to take time. This is taking exactly as long as it needs to take. This number is just one day of data. It just creates this calmness, and patience, and trust in the process when you focus on thinking that creates patience.

Ryan: The easiest and quickest way to shoot yourself in the foot when you’re trying to lose weight is trying to do it within a certain timeframe.

Maggie: So let’s go back to impatience where most people are taking their action from. A lot of people are creating the feeling of impatience because they’re thinking this isn’t going fast enough. This isn’t working. This is taking too long. And then that creates them to feel impatient. And what do you do when you’re feeling impatient? What have you done when you’re just like, “Damn it, this is not?”

Ryan: I try to make it go faster.

Maggie: And how do you try to make it go faster?

Ryan: I do…

Maggie: Bullshit stuff.

Ryan: …things that are going to sabotage the shit out of my process.

Maggie: Yeah, maybe not immediately but definitely in time.

Ryan: It’s the exact reason people yoyo, because they do extreme stuff.

Maggie: Yeah, because of the impatience, yeah.

Ryan: Yes, the impatience will make you yoyo, it will make you do extreme stuff, it’s not sustainable. You might lose weight and then you stop doing those things because they weren’t sustainable, they were never sustainable in the first place.

Maggie: Yeah, but you get this instant hit of it’s working because it’s moving faster, I’m going to do a beef and butter fast.

Ryan: And listen, I’m not going to deny that dopamine hit when you feel it’s working.

Maggie: Or it’s working fast, yeah, now we’re moving. But we don’t realize what the long term effects of that is. So whether you’re creating patience in your journey or impatience, both of those feelings are created from your thinking. And most of us are creating a very impatient experience by telling ourselves, this should be going faster. This is not going fast enough. And then we do these things to speed it up and then that’s not sustainable. And then we feel we’re way too restricted and there’s no way we can keep this up.

And then we say, “What’s the point?” And then we are, we’re yoyoing back and forth.

Ryan: What makes you feel patient?

Maggie: I think I’ve just developed a very deep trust in the process. And that’s not something you can create instantly but it’s something that I just feel I rarely tell myself stories about this should be different than it is. And I think that’s one of the biggest impatience creators ever where you’re just like, “This should be faster. This should be easier.” Should, should, should. I’m just like, “This should be exactly how it is.” I like making changes from that place, making changes from curiosity versus changes from impatience.

And just there’s very little drama. I’m not saying it never happens. But at this point there’s very little drama. I trust the process. I know what I need to do. I know that if I’m not doing it, it isn’t a problem with what I’m doing, it’s a problem with what I’m thinking. So I never look at me eating off plan as the problem and most people do. They’re like, “Well, I’m never following my plan. Or I’m overeating. Or I’m eating all the food on the weekend.” I don’t ever see that as the problem. That’s a symptom of the problem.

I know that I need to go to the root and be like, “Alright, at some point my thinking changed here.” We had some thought swapping going on. I used to think this is easy, I’m excited about my plan. I can do this forever. I used to have thinking like that and now I’m thinking, I don’t want to do this anymore, I’m over it. You can always connect what you’re doing to what you’re thinking. And if what you were doing before was working great and now it’s not working anymore, I can assure you, your thinking has changed about what you’re doing.

Ryan: So you trust the process?

Maggie: I trust the process and I’m not confused about what real problems are. And I think a lot of people are like, “The problem is the plan. The problem is the diet. The problem is what we’re doing.” Versus the problem is that I have real shitty thinking about what I’m doing. And if I have this shitty thinking why would I want to do it? It makes perfect sense when you get down to the bare bones of why you are or are not doing what you want to be doing or need to be doing. What keeps you patient?

Ryan: I just know from experience that it’s never been something that happens overnight. No matter how extreme I go, even when I do go extreme, it either backfires or it’s just a reminder that things are going to go slow. I’m always just reminding myself how fast time flies. So I’m just like, “Dude, six months is nothing.”

Maggie: No, it’s not, just freaking strap in.

Ryan: I always remind myself of that, how fast time goes. A year is nothing. But also do you know how much weight you can sustainably lose in a year? A lot.

Maggie: Yeah. So it really is just our perception of that’s such a long time versus no, time’s going to pass anyway. That just shows you the choice that you have of the way that you’re going to think about time. What are you going to think about the next year or are you going to think that’s such a long time to do this stuff every day? And if you are you need to figure out what the problem is because if you never want to do the things that you have to do you’re never going to be able to sustain it anyway. So has impatience ever served you?

Ryan: No.

Maggie: Because what is impatience at its core? It’s this shouldn’t be going the way that it’s going. If you’re impatient in traffic, why? There shouldn’t be traffic. Everyone shouldn’t be driving like dumbasses. Someone shouldn’t have got in an accident if you’re in a line. Imagine all the scenarios where you get impatient.

Ryan: I expect to get there faster.

Maggie: Yeah, I expect time to be different than it is. I would like to manipulate time and it should be faster and it should be more convenient for me. When is it? I’m trying to think if there’s any benefit to impatience because I know there are feelings and emotions that are just unhelpful, being overwhelmed or it’s going to just lead you just spinning and spinning. I feel impatience may be one of those where it’s the only thing that creates impatience is thinking things should be different than they are. And that just creates our own suffering.

And we’ve talked before about thinking about what you want versus the fact that you don’t have it. And that feels terrible. So to spend every day thinking this should be going faster, or even I would be happier if this went faster. What are you running from? What are you trying to avoid? What’s better there? Because I promise you, 15 pounds down, 30 pounds down, it’s not better there if you torment yourself in your head all the time.

I think learning to be patient and learning to accept things as they are and change things from a place of trust versus impatience. Because again you can make the same changes from I trust myself and I trust this process as this is not moving fast enough. You could still make similar changes but where you end up is going to be very different because one of them is driving you to never feel content with what is versus a trust with what is.

Ryan: That’s a great point of feeling content, content with the process.

Maggie: Yeah, well, because impatience is just wanting to be anywhere but where you are at. So I think the trust in the process allows you to develop patience, we’re all trying to get to this other place that seems that it’s better and happier. But if you can’t be happy with where you currently are, you’re not going to be able to be happy where you’re going, if you can manage to stop sabotaging yourself because you think that you should be further along, or you should have started sooner. Or just in general that it should be moving faster.

Ryan: Yeah. I happen to be really patient with wanting to get my sixpack right now, extremely patient.

Maggie: That’s just got to be one of those things that you can’t rush because it’s got lots of moving parts. It’s your diet and your fitness.

Ryan: No. I just feel for men, I mean and maybe for women too, I don’t know, I’m not a doctor or a scientist. But that lower abdomen fat is the last one to go. Do you know what I mean? My shoulders, my neck, there’s almost no fat up there. You know what I mean? And so I’m just like, dude, if anything felt like a marathon it’s this. And I just have to be okay with it just taking its own time, you know what I mean?

Maggie: Well, you could create a really miserable experience for yourself if you decided that you were going to spend all your time ruminating on the fact that you don’t have a sixpack yet. Can you imagine?

Ryan: Sounds ridiculous.

Maggie: I’m realizing now, I mean I’m sure I do this in other areas. But we can create a lot of suffering by just thinking. And yeah, of course I do this, thinking things should be different than they are. Kids should be different than they are. Relatives should be different than they are. Just that people should be different, the same thing with your abs, it’s like you could create a lot of pain if your focus rather than habit creation, and consistency, and patience is instead ruminating about how you don’t have what you want yet. You can literally make yourself miserable day in and day out.

Ryan: I kind of also decided to just focus on other things that I count as wins too, like only going off plan three days out of this month.

Maggie: Yeah. Which also will get you what you want. It’s all part of it, to focus on get a sixpack, get a sixpack, get a sixpack. You’re not going to get a sixpack by focusing on getting a sixpack. You’re going to get it by focusing on the habits that will create that for you. And so to focus on, alright, well, let’s just make the focus going off plan less, that’s going to indirectly and directly really get you what you want.

Ryan: Yeah, it’s crazy. It’s really kind of a mind eff. I am always talking on social media about being patient. I feel it’s the problem of so many people trying to lose weight. It’s like a disease.

Maggie: Well, and it really is fruitless, all you’re creating for yourself is pain. You’re just creating your own pain because impatience doesn’t exist. It’s not an actual problem. It’s not something you can touch. It’s not tangible. It’s not a fact. It’s literally a story. It’s literally this should be different than it is. This should be faster than it is being. And so there’s nothing to do with that, there’s nothing to do with that information. It’s completely optional to think things should be moving faster than they are.

And what is a fact is things should be moving exactly as fast as they move. That’s true. How do we know? Because that’s what happens. That’s what we do. That’s how life works. Things are going to move as fast as they’re going to move. Does that mean you don’t have any say or any way that you can take accountability and speed up the process? Absolutely not, of course there’s always things that you can do.

But the action that you take from a place of this is doing what it does versus this isn’t moving fast enough, is going to be far more aggressive than knowing that you have some power to change some variables. You can just tell the energy is completely different, impatience versus trust or patience. It’s just completely different energy that you’re acting from. And one of them allows you to feel peace now. It allows you to feel peace, and trust, and calmness now even though you don’t have your sixpack yet versus causing yourself suffering every day until you get that sixpack.

And then do you want to tell me once you have the sixpack life is just going to be so amazing? No. You’re going to look in the mirror and you’re going to be like, “I have a sixpack.” And that’s it, that’s the end of it. We’ve talked about this before when it comes to goal creation. That’s all it is. And we drive ourselves crazy wanting to get to that place where we go, “There’s the number I wanted.” And that’s it and then you go back to your day and everything’s exactly the same. So I think the real goal that we’re all after is how do I feel peace now?

How do I feel peace without this desired result that I think holds all the secrets and keys to my happiness? It’s a façade.

Ryan: That’s kind of a double edged sword if you think about it too because if you’re impatient you’re creating agony in the moment. And also you’re causing yourself to do things that aren’t sustainable. So the likelihood of you gaining that weight back because you were impatient is very high. So not only are you in agony right now, you’re just going to end up right back where you started.

Maggie: Yeah, well, and you’re trying to get rid of your agony because of your extra weight. So in the meantime you’re going to cause yourself agony with your impatience. It is confusing the way our brain does so much to avoid certain emotions by creating them on purpose in advance. So many of us are trying to hurt ourselves before life hurts us. I don’t want to be disappointed so I’m going to disappoint myself now in tiny little ways all the way along the way.

I don’t want to be disappointed that I have this extra weight to carry so I’m going to be disappointed now that it’s not going fast enough. That’s so disappointing. If impatience was helpful we’d do a podcast about it. We’d be like, “Do you want your shit to go fast, dude? You need to be pissed about what is happening. You need to be mad because it shouldn’t be this way. It should be a different way and you should be angry about that because that’s going to help. It’s going to get your metabolism up, the anger.”

Listen, we’d podcast about it. I am struggling to think of any time where impatience has served me. I can only think of the ways that I have destroyed things with my impatience and my unwillingness to just be with the reality that I’m in right now, always thinking that there is better than here. Everybody is on a quest to get to where it’s better. But if you can’t make better here, you’re not going to find better there. And I don’t know how many different way to reiterate that point. Nobody believes me. You lose your weight and then just a new set of problems.

So learning how to manage your emotions around your weight loss is going to help when the new problems pop up. Anything else to add on impatience?

Ryan: No, I think that’s pretty good.

Maggie: Okay guys, we’ll see you next week.

Ryan: See you.

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