96 - Why You're Self-Sabotaging
On average, the human brain thinks 60,000 thoughts a day. One of its fundamental jobs is to be efficient, so it delegates and automates most of them to our subconscious. You probably don’t think about how to get dressed, or how to drive your route to work every morning, but this means it’s also likely that you haven’t taken a closer look at your current subconscious thoughts about weight loss.
We see so many clients who believe weight loss is hard, or that they have to starve to lose weight, and they have their reasons and evidence for why this is just factual. But letting your subconscious beliefs go unquestioned is leading to self-sabotage, so we’re inviting you to be willing to be wrong because it could change your entire life.
Listen in this week as we show you why examining the beliefs that are driving your actions is the key to lifelong sustainable change. We’re sharing our favorite methods for breaking the cycle of subconscious beliefs that don’t serve us, and how to begin practicing the skill of intentionally thinking something new.
If you’re ready to take your weight loss to the next level, come check out my coaching program, Vibe Club. If you want to lose your weight for good and in a completely different and more sustainable way, click here. The price is going up soon, so if you join now, you’ll lock in the current pricing for as long as you stay a member!
What You’ll Learn from this Episode:
- How to become aware of your subconscious thoughts.
- Why so many of our thoughts are subconscious.
- The most common subconscious weight loss beliefs we hear.
- Why our thoughts and beliefs play such a huge rule in the results we get.
- Our favorite methods for breaking the cycle of long-held subconscious beliefs that aren't serving us.
Listen to the Full Episode:
Featured on the Show:
- Check our Vibe Club, a weight loss coaching group with the purpose of supporting women that want to sustain a healthy lifestyle.
- HiLo Life: Keto Your Way with 4G Net Carbs or Less
- Follow our YouTube channel!
- Follow us on TikTok: Maggie | Ryan
- 9 - Ryan Gets Coached
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Full Episode Transcript:
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Maggie: Welcome to the Sustaining Keto podcast.
Ryan: Welcome. Welcome. How’s it going?
Maggie: It’s going good.
Ryan: What did you learn on TikTok this week?
Maggie: Ryan, you’ve got to stop, okay?
Ryan: Bro, we can’t have a thing if you’re not going to do a thing.
Maggie: I mean was it my idea? I feel like it might have been.
Ryan: It’s a fun idea, bro.
Maggie: It might have been.
Ryan: It’s a fun idea. I’ve seen a lot of people, I don’t follow anyone, the stuff that shows up on my for you page about being a creator on TikTok and growing a following, and I see a lot of people talking about how Instagram is dying.
Maggie: Yeah, great news for me. I love that.
Ryan: Someone explained why and it made a lot of sense. And I can’t remember. He basically was saying that Instagram isn’t good at incentivizing people who create content.
Maggie: Because it’s not even money wise incentivizing. It’s literally no one will see your stuff. You will spend a ton of time on this and we will show it to 200 out of your 130,000 people and good luck. And no money and no views and so you have to be – you really have to be working their setup. And their setup is that you need to be posting 14 times a day, all the different kinds of content they provide, IGTV lives, freaking reels. Freaking, but don’t post pictures because we will show your picture to nobody because we’re not a picture. It’s exhausting, it is what it is.
And so, when you have a business, another business in addition to Instagram it’s just sometimes Instagram’s got to take the backseat. That’s kind of the space that I’m in. I try to show up on there but my priority is my coaching clients and not being famous on Instagram and getting all the people to see all of my stuff. Whereas TikTok is more incentivizing because your shit will be seen by tons of people if it’s good or whatever. And you have to learn how to do TikTok, so that’s where I’m also in that place.
Ryan: It’s pretty easy. It’s pretty easy.
Maggie: Yeah. Well, what did you learn? You just said you learned how Instagram is dying.
Ryan: Yeah, I do believe that. I do believe that in a year or two it’ll be like what Facebook is today.
Maggie: Well, hopefully they change some staff and make that it’s not that.
Maggie: Stay tuned. Ryan, what are we talking about today?
Ryan: Well, you’re going to talk about subconscious beliefs and how they can potentially self-sabotage you.
Maggie: I want to say that subconscious beliefs, I know just from all the reading I’ve done and all the learning I’ve done that I believe what I’ve learned is 95% of what you believe is subconscious at this point. And most of it was before you were 13 years old, maybe even younger than that. But you grew up and you learned things probably mostly from examples with family, your parents about what means what. And your brain is like okay and it just locks it away.
Ryan: It’s like a dishwasher. It’s like a dishwasher.
Maggie: Yeah. You never, and that’s the thing, and when we talked to the dishwasher episode. I don’t even know what episode that was. You would never think to question it. To you it’s Bible truth. You always have to clean.
Ryan: Dishwashers cannot completely handle this food on this dish, I have to help it.
Maggie: You have to prewash for the dishwasher. And you’re like okay.
Ryan: Yeah, the last 20 years that’s what I’ve done.
Maggie: That’s a long period of time to do something without understanding why you’re doing it.
Ryan: Yeah, I know.
Maggie: Yeah. I think that’s very fascinating.
Ryan: That is very fascinating.
Maggie: So, there’s a trend on TikTok right now. Now, a lot of it is trauma based. But the trend is basically someone is apologizing for something or just making a statement about something and the response from the other person is, “Who told you that?” And then the music kind of fades out. And they have this realization, I have no idea where this came from. Or I have no idea where I learned this. I have no idea who told me this. I don’t know. I thought this was just the way the world worked. And like I said, a lot of it is very traumatic stuff.
But some of them is just, “I’m sorry that I forgot to tell you to turn left, please don’t be mad at me.” And the response is, “Why would I be mad at you just because you made a mistake or you missed something?” Clearly it goes back to their childhood where they’re like, “Oh sorry, I always got in trouble for being forgetful”, or whatever. But that’s kind of the gist of it. So, if you take it to less of a deep level it’s like I don’t know, I just thought this was how things worked. I never took the time to wonder where did this come from? Who taught me this? Where did I learn this? Why do I believe this?
Ryan: I thought I had to starve to lose weight.
Maggie: Yeah. And so much of it, it’s not just stuff you heard when you were little. It’s stuff you heard, and heard, and heard, and heard, and heard again, and again, and again. To where you’re like that must be true. Look at all these people that agree about it. And we live in such an interesting time and such an interesting world right now where that can be a lot because of…
Ryan: How do you become aware of your subconscious beliefs?
Maggie: I personally believe that that’s why journaling is so important. I believe that, or therapy, anything that gets what’s going on in here out of your mouth or out of your body, out of your brain. I think that’s where you really do the work to see what you believe, what your thoughts are. I think that’s why people feel so good. When I coach people I frequently hear them being like, “I don’t know, something about just talking about this. I’ve had so many realizations that I have never even considered before.”
And it’s just because our brain is not a safe space to just let things rattle about because it’s going to just stick to the well-practiced thoughts, beliefs and well confirmed things based on what we’ve experienced, who has modeled stuff for us. It’s just going to go with it makes sense, we saw it happen, this is how things work, the end. And most of the time you’re not even having that kind of process. Your brain delegates things to your subconscious so that it doesn’t have to think so hard about it. So once a decision or a belief has been made it just gets delegated into your subconscious.
Ryan: Yeah, that’s what your brain’s trying to do.
Maggie: It’s trying to be efficient. You couldn’t think about dishwashers all day, you couldn’t. Every time you put a dish in the dishwasher your brain doesn’t have the capacity to think about all the things about all the stuff. It already has 60,000 thoughts a day. It doesn’t have the capacity to think about everything about everything. It’s got to be efficient. And so, most of it it’s got to be delegated. Just this is how we get ready in the morning, it’s just how we do it.
And until you’re like, “Well, maybe I don’t want to be doing that. Why am I doing that? What are my reasons? Do I want to keep doing that?” Until we get inquisitive and question things, things will just stay at that homeostasis level of this is just how we do things. Let’s not upset anything, just chill.
Ryan: Let’s automate this.
Maggie: Totally, it’s exactly what it does, it automates it. That’s the reason you’re able to drive 10 hours to get to another state and you don’t even think about it. You’re just all of a sudden you’re in California. How? I don’t know. I just know I get on the 15 and I just keep going. I don’t need to think about it unless you’re me and then you need direction to take your kid to school in the morning. I like to use Google because it will tell me the quickest option available. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.
But yeah, automation is what your brain does so that it can be just like, we couldn’t possibly think about this.
Ryan: Because you coach a lot of people on this stuff all the time. So, what are some really common subconscious weight loss beliefs that people have that aren’t serving them?
Maggie: I mean losing weight is hard. I remember when I first started coaching one-to-one, that was the first thing I would ask my clients. I would say, “Fill in the blank, weight loss is.” And it was always like, “A challenge. Weight loss is difficult. Weight loss is hard.” And we don’t realize that when we have those beliefs because I think when it comes to weight loss we’re not even talking thoughts anymore, we’re talking beliefs. We’re talking like, “No, I believe this. This is true. This is a fact.” That’s the thing, this is factual.
Weight loss is hard. And I can tell you why. I’ve done every diet. And we really have this full case of evidence of why that’s true. But what we don’t realize is how much of that is not serving us, to believe weight loss is hard and then to work from that belief to where you are feeling pressured. And where you are feeling scared and where you are feeling apprehensive. And then you’re doing things from those feelings which leads to over-restriction, just planning too aggressively.
All of those things come from the belief that weight loss is hard. Which what, what does that do? It proves to you, see, look how hard it is. It has to be hard.
Ryan: It’s kind of simple when you break it down that way. When you have a belief, it causes you to feel a certain way and your feelings cause you to do certain things.
Maggie: Yeah. And that’s why the doing isn’t the problem. You could still do the same things generally but if your belief is this is hard versus your belief is I am worth doing this work for. You’re going to have different results. And I think the biggest way the results show up differently is in sustainability because we’ve talked a ton about how you can hate yourself thin. You can hate yourself through your weight loss but it’s not going to be sustainable because you’re still going to be left with that same brain once you hit your goal, if you hit your goal.
Whereas changing the perspective, and the thinking, and the beliefs driving what you do is what’s going to create the really feel good sustainable change.
Ryan: When we talk about beliefs in this context I’m always wondering, my belief is weight loss is difficult, or weight loss is hard, or weight loss is a challenge. But I can’t just change that to weight loss is easy.
Maggie: Yeah. There’s, I’m sure, infinite ways to break thinking that’s not serving you too that I can think of off the top of my head. Is one of them is you go to work proving the opposite. You just go to work being like, “What can I do to prove this isn’t true?” Because if you believe it you’ll be able to prove it true. But if you believe the opposite you’ll be able to prove that true. You could have two people in a room that are like, “Weight loss is easy.” In fact, that’s me on the internet.
You have people where they are just like, “This doesn’t have to be hard. This can be easy. You can find ways to make it easy. You can enjoy the process.” And you have other people who truly believe in the depths of their soul, weight loss is hard. And the only way to get the body that you want is massive amounts of suffering, that’s the only way to create this result. So, I like to go to work to say, “You have to be locked and loaded with your response when your brain throws up this is so hard.”
Ryan: So, what’s the response?
Maggie: The response is whatever you choose it to be. When it comes to this is so hard, it’s challenging right now because of the way that I’m thinking, what can I do to make it easier? Where am I making this hard? Where am I making this hard unnecessarily? It’s kind of another thing to ask your brain questions that are actually useful to just shift. You don’t need a complete shift in perspective. You need a mini shift. All it takes, if you can change your perspective 2% you start taking different actions.
A lot of people think they’ve got to shift it 100%, like you said, weight loss is hard or weight loss is effortless. That’s not going to happen for anybody. Nobody can do that unless you’re a robot. So, it’s that shift of going to work to prove it wrong and being like, “Where am I missing the easy parts of this? What parts of this are actually super easy?” And if there are parts of this that are easy can I really still believe the fact that weight loss is hard.” It’s kind of just chipping away at it until you’re like, “That’s just not a fact.”
If you are ready to take your weight loss to the next level you’ve got to check out my coaching program, Vibe Club. Vibe Club isn’t a lose your weight fast program, it’s a lose your weight forever program. If you are ready to finally lose your weight for good and in a completely different and a more sustainable way go to vibewithmaggie.com. The price is going up very soon so if you join now you will lock in your current pricing for as long as you remain a member.
Ryan: I can actually relate because I watch a lot of crime shows. And there’s a lot of court scenes where they do cross examination. And when the defenses gets their turn to ask questions it kind of makes you question. Well, wait did they actually commit the murder?
Maggie: It makes you question it. It’s just a different set of thinking.
Ryan: And there’s always, in cross examination there is always these questions that they ask that I didn’t actually consider. You have a good point. I didn’t consider that. And it’s not like they’re coming up and saying, “Did you do this, yes or no?” It’s jumping to the complete opposite. It’s simply asking a simple little question.
Maggie: Yeah. And I would almost say what it is, is giving you a little bit more information. Because have you ever been rock solid on something and then some new information comes in and you’re like, “Okay, hold up. That changes things?” And I believe our brain is the same kind of thing.
It’s like if you can accept new information, especially information that challenges what you already believe, all of a sudden you’re like, “Hold up, wait a second. That changes things because I thought based on all of this evidence that things were this way. But now that you’re presenting that other evidence I’m starting to question if that’s even true.”
Ryan: Yeah, I mean I experienced that for a whole year with religion. So, it’s just a process of, I guess, being open to being wrong.
Maggie: Yeah. And that’s uncomfortable. It’s that confirmation bias where it’s just really confirmation bias can be applied at a large scale but also on a micro scale. It’s like if you believe a certain thing 100% with your entire being, anything that comes in that contradicts that you will repel it because it does not confirm what you actually believe. So that is why I’m always encouraging my clients to allow yourself to be wrong.
You believe that these things – I just feel I’m hearing so much about this. There’s causation here, this caused this. But you could be wrong. You may be right but it’s worth it to go to work to find out if you are wrong, if you could be wrong, if these things are actually connected or if they’re not connected it all.
Ryan: Especially if they’re not serving you.
Maggie: That’s a number one reason to get to the bottom of it if you’re just like, “This sucks and I could be wrong, let’s figure it out.”
Ryan: But what’s the point of thinking weight loss is hard? What does that give you? It gives you nothing. It’s just a belief you’re having that is making it hard.
Maggie: Yeah. And it’s one of those things that you’re arguing for your pain. You’re arguing for difficulty. You’re arguing and it’s unnecessary. And most of us don’t feel it’s necessary. We feel it’s justified. We feel it’s legitimate. We feel no, this is what it is. Don’t try to take my pain away from me. I want to keep it. And it’s like, I’ll let you keep it. I just want you to know that it’s optional. And that’s where I think thought work is so mind blowing for people is they’re like, “Okay, I’m thinking this thing but I don’t have to be. And when I do think it, it causes me immense amounts of pain.
So, do I want to keep thinking that? And if not, what’s the game plan? And so, we already talked about kind of poking holes in it and just kind of looking for the opposite. Literally pretend you’re a lawyer and you have to prove weight loss is easy, prove it to me. And don’t be surprised if your brain is like, “There’s nothing here. We have nothing.” Because that’s what happens normally, “Tell me what you’re doing wrong?” And they’re like, “All this stuff.” “Tell me what you’re doing right?” “Crickets.”
So, you do have to kind of train your brain for the opposite. But get curious of just being like, “I don’t need to be married to one belief. I’m open to the fact that I could be wrong.” That I could be wrong. My favorite is I could be wrong in a way that serves me tremendously. I love that. I love finding out I’m wrong in a way that is so much better for my life.
Ryan: It’s almost like a defense attorney who has a client who they think is guilty. But it’s still their job to argue for them and to poke holes in the case. They still have to do it even regardless of their belief that this person is guilty.
Maggie: Yeah, prove it either way. Yeah.
Ryan: It’s interesting.
Maggie: The one other thing that I was thinking is just ladder thoughts.
Ryan: I love this.
Maggie: So that’s just a way that you can just ladder up. So, if you go from, sorry, I’m just trying to make my brain work on the spot here. When it’s going from weight loss is hard, something like I’m open to believing this could be easier. I’m open to believing that. Just like it really is just an openness, a willingness to be wrong which is a very small step forward from this is hard.
Ryan: The top of the ladder is weight loss is easy. You don’t jump to the top of the ladder.
Maggie: No. And that’s what we want. That’s we want in every area, everyone wants to go from the bottom of the ladder to the top of the ladder. But there are steps, these are the steps. You don’t need – you’re going to feel so much better even going up the ladder. You don’t need to jump to the top of the ladder at first to feel completely different and do completely different things and having a completely different experience. You don’t need to make that jump. So, I say, “Save your energy and just start smaller rather than setting yourself up to fail.”
Ryan: If you don’t believe that your thoughts are 95% correlated to your weight loss results you’re very, very mistaken.
Maggie: Yeah, I completely agree. There are going to be off situations that are just offhand, maybe something medical or maybe whatever. But most people are like, “My metabolism is broken.”
Ryan: That’s my favorite. There is a study that just came out that says from the age of 20 to 60 your metabolism doesn’t change. And after 60 it changes 1%.
Maggie: Yeah. But I think we are in more trouble by most people thinking they are the exception rather than no, most likely not. It’s most likely the way that you’re thinking that’s driving action or inaction on your part and creating what you have. And if you want to know what your subconscious beliefs are you need to look at what is going on in your life. Look at what the results are that you’re producing. Look at the body that you do have. Look at the health that you do have. Look at the relationships that you do have. That will show you your thinking.
You can kind of work backwards from the results that you have and say, “What did I do to get this result? How was I feeling when I did those things? What was I thinking that created that feeling for me?” So, you can get kind of creative with the way that…
Ryan: Like work the think, feel, do backwards, is that what you’re saying?
Maggie: Yeah. So, you just kind of start at your results and then you say, “What are all the actions that created this result for me? How was I feeling to take all those actions and what was I thinking?” So, you kind of reverse up the…
Ryan: Can you give me an example of one of those? I don’t know.
Maggie: Okay. So, you’re overweight 60 pounds. Yeah, let me just give you a personal example. So, you’re overweight and you’re like, “What did I do? And what did I not do? I ate fast food four times a day. I didn’t move my body. I guilted myself. I talked badly about myself.” I don’t know. What are some feelings? What feelings was I feeling that I was trying to solve with food?
Ryan: I mean you were in a kind of a dark state and you were feeling hopeless.
Maggie: I mean yeah, depressed would be one thing. But yeah, feeling hopeless, feeling defeated, feeling powerless. So, all the things I was doing I was doing from a place of those emotions. And what I was thinking was just I’m never going to figure this out. It’s never going to get better for me. So, it’s like yeah, sure, but you guys think the problem is the 60 pounds overweight. What was the problem in that example we just gave you? I was telling myself, this is never going to get better. I’m never going to figure this out.
And that you’re going to have a variety of thoughts that you take action from. But obviously it’s what created my results was what I did. But what I did was because of the story I was telling myself about my life, and what was possible for me, and where this shit was going. And guess what, guys? I was wrong ultimately. So, I thought it would never get better. I thought I was never going to figure it out. Everything I believed then that created that result for me I have be actually proved wrong.
Don’t get it wrong because I’m not just sunshine and rainbows all the time. But that’s just because I’m a human like everyone else. But everything I believed that was creating me taking this destructive action against myself was based on a false story and false beliefs about myself that I needed to be open to being wrong about. And my willingness to be wrong about them opened up a completely new life for me. So, if that shows you anything about the power of your thinking and what you believe, and how you may want to take the chance on being wrong because it could change your entire life.
Ryan: That’s the main thing you do in Vibe Club is you show people their thoughts.
Ryan: You’re not telling people what to eat.
Maggie: Not at all and that’s what people think they need. But again, you have to remember that that’s coming from this place of tell me what to do so that I can feel better. Because that’s the thing. You think that you want a smaller body and I’m not saying you don’t. I’m not saying there are not benefits to a smaller body. But what you really want is to be able to believe that you follow through and to believe that you’re strong. And to believe that you’re capable.
And most of us put off feeling any of those things until we have some kind of circumstance like a weight flashing in front of us that says, “Now you’re allowed to believe that. But the truth is, if you didn’t change your mindset along the way, your brain is just going to look for the very next way to prove that you don’t keep your word to yourself, because you never actually changed that belief.
You still have the belief that you don’t follow through. It’s just going to look for new evidence or start taking you in the reverse direction of your weight loss and start putting weight on to confirm the belief that you have. Because the belief never changed. You have to work on changing your belief while you still have the 60 pounds to lose. And then while you have 50, and 40, and 30, and 20, and 10 and four.
Ryan: And the beliefs change all the way down too.
Maggie: And the beliefs chance all the way down.
Ryan: It’s constant work, pretty wild.
Maggie: It’s wild but it’s worth it I think, it’s totally worth it.
Ryan: You can’t un-change your thoughts. You can start taking actions and then stop doing them and then the results change. But once you figure out how to actually change your beliefs you learn that skill and then you get good at doing it on your own.
Maggie: Yeah. And doing it for everything knowing that when my kid calls and they’re freaking out, I have the ability to show up here however I want. And I don’t need to plan to what they’re believing. You’ll see that you can’t unlearn the work of managing your brain, deciding what to think, deciding what thoughts don’t serve you, switching those thoughts, creating new results. That skill cannot be overstated enough being able to do that because it will affect everything. It’s more than weight loss. Weight loss, it’s just a byproduct of you changing what you think.
You think it’s I need to tell you exactly what to eat for breakfast, lunch and dinner. It’s not. You need to know how to give yourself commands and follow through on them.
Ryan: I mean this is a shameless plug but that’s exactly what you do in Vibe Club. And even just getting on a 10 minute coaching call with you can completely change the trajectory of your ability to examine your thoughts.
Maggie: Yeah, I’ve been noticing people in Vibe Club posting that I have specifically coached, because you get a lot of benefit from listening to other people get coached and being able to be objective. But I also I’m seeing the results of the people who did get ballsy and did get coached and what their life is looking like months after we coach and the posts and the success that they’re having, and the results they’re having and it’s just incredible.
Ryan: It’s kind of like a jolt, it’s a jolt. I mean I remember back to episode eight when you coached me about those, I mean…
Maggie: Yeah, when I was a baby coach.
Ryan: I never looked at treats the same, dude. It can really change your life.
Maggie: Yeah. And so, if you feel like you just keep running into walls and you’re just like, “What the hell is wrong with me?” And that’s a really good indicator that it’s time to stop putting the blame on you. There’s nothing wrong with you. No one has taught you how to think, how to not think, how to change your thoughts, how to change the conversation with yourself. Most of the shit you’re doing is subconscious. It’s been there for years, and years, and years. It’s not an instant fix. It’s a lifelong fix.
But you can see a lot of change immediately by learning the tools that I teach. And seeing them in action on the coaching calls and being part of it by getting coached and participating, your whole life can change. I’m seeing it again and again. So, it’s just your invitation, if you’re looking for something more and something different check out Vibe Club.
Ryan: Have a great week.
Maggie: Have a great week.